There’s days like this when I wish I had a portable robot in my pocket that I could easily pull out so it can give me a hug. One programmed with a motivational response after each time I poured out my problems. A tiny fucking robot that carried a life size hankerchieft to pat my teary eyes. I know everything happens for a reason and that there are only better things to come, but sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for nothing. Because as soon as I can feel it, it’s slipped away all too soon. Like a tease. Strippers who give naked ass lapdances but stroll away after your paid timer has run out. Its never really yours, but at least you got a taste of it. Well to be honest with you, I’m fucking exhausted being a food critic. I’ve tasted the victory but never really won. I’ve tasted the passion, but never really came. I’ve tasted the samples of these so called fruits in life but never got the actual fucking fruit basket that I paid for. Why can’t things ever be consistent and why is the only thing that’s consistent is change? So here I am. Outside of my apartment. After a long day of disappointment, finding myself fingering my bag for house keys that I clearly left on the floor in my bedroom, next to my matches that I’ve been searching for all day. My head is not in the game, or my head is actually THE game and my body is the gamepiece that needs a fucking break. And as much as I want to be caught outside of the front gate balling my eyes out, I’m really trying my hardest to suck it all up. Which is something I should already be used to because that’s something I find myself doing often. Sucking up words that I should say because I feel you need to hear it. But I don’t, which is only my fault, because if I cared about my feelings as much as I cared about yours then I wouldn’t really give two shits that it hurts you. But let’s be real, I’m a little more tender than that. Sucking up feelings and drain them into the bottom of my stomach because I don’t want to expose pain. And I never really let them out. But let’s be real right, I’m supposed to be a fucking woman warrior because we honestly get enough shit in this world for having vaginas. Just when you think the worst is over, you really come to realize that you haven’t even felt the worst yet.